THANK YOU for sharing both sides of this! Not many do!
This brought so much emotion and a few tears as well! I am the parent that has been through this and the reconciliation has taken place (I'm so grateful) and for the longest time, I struggled with pleasing and trying not to piss him off for fear that it would happen again, etc...
It's starting to get easier and better as I work on myself and show up "as if I am enough, at if I am wanted just as I am"
It also helps A LOT that my youngest grandchild has bonded with my husband in a way that doesn't make sense to any of us and he asks for us and wants to be around us!
So, we are all trying harder to create NEW memories and time to be together.
Anyway, this is a super hard, super charged topic to write about and I think you did it in such a gorgeous well rounded way and I thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this - it truly moved me. Stories like yours are a reminder that reconciliation is possible, even after deep rupture. And your honesty about the fear that lingered after reconnecting…..whew!! That’s the part people don’t talk about enough.
The image of your grandchild instinctively bonding with your husband gave me goosebumps, like the universe weaving some quiet magic to help knit the family back together.
I’m so glad the piece resonated. You’re living proof that healing doesn’t mean going back - it means creating something new. Sending love as you build those new memories. Thanks for reading! xx
I would have like to read more about children who cut their parents off - not because of some wrong but through elder abuse. Where the elder refuses to accede to their demands of property and finances and so they cut the elder out including takeing the grandchildren away. This is an elder wound that goes deep. Estrangement pain is NOT only on the child they cause it too. It always pains me to hear it described as pain parents bring on their children who grow up and away. Not true.
Thank you for this powerful reminder. You’re absolutely right.....estrangement pain runs in every direction. While this piece focuses on one common arc (adult children seeking space from unresolved wounds) there’s another heartbreak that deserves just as much attention: parents being cut off for holding financial boundaries, refusing manipulation, or standing firm in their own sovereignty. That kind of grief is real too. I deeply honor your voice here. This is a wound that matters, and it’s not one I intended to overlook, just one that’s hard to do justice to in the same breath without the piece sprawling into a novel. But you’ve reminded me how important it is to hold all sides of this sacred rupture. Thank you for speaking up.
My son cut me off for a year and a half over, what I believe, was a minor disagreement. His wife and mother in law played a big part in it. I had him young and I tried my best to give him the life he deserved. I had five more kids after him (with his father) and they, and my husband, couldn’t understand it. Three refused to talk to him, two remained neutral. I went into a deep depression which I can only describe as “ambiguous grief”. I ended my teaching career of 31 years because some days I couldn’t get out of bed. They also had a one year old baby girl, my first grandchild, who they would not let me see. However, they let my alcoholic mother see her. I was devastated and still am to this day. I was a grandmother for 16 months then they took it all away. They also had my first grandson during g this time. They sent everyone his picture announcing his birth but me. I was, and remain, so hurt. I know I made mistakes somewhere while raising my kids, who doesn’t, but, besides my teaching career, my kids were my whole world. I loved being a grandmother and then it was snatched from me for no real reason I can understand. Finally, after I wrote a letter apologizing for hurting them without putting any blame on them, they let me back into their live. However, I would have to be closely “monitored” with the children. The disagreement wasn’t even about my granddaughter. I was a special Education teacher for 31 years and had raised six college educated, happy children but I had to be monitored. I’ve never been accused of being inappropriate with children ever. I feel I was a good , if not excellent, mother and teacher. He admitted it to me later when we were speaking again that he had “the best childhood”. So I was able to see my grandkids and now I’m in their lives regularly. He loves bringing them over and our visits and my grandchildren love me. My son and his wife both act like nothing happened but I will never forgive what they did to me. They broke me for reasons I still do not understand. I can never look at my son the same way again. I can’t, as hard as I try. I am actually waiting for them to do it again! I try to emotional prepare for when The other shoe drops. One of my daughters has two babies now and I trust with my entire being being that she would never cut me out of their lives. Now she’s a mother, she further can’t understand what her brother did to me. I watch my grandkids for her when she works and she has never had a problem with my care. She recently got into a disagreement with her mother-in-law. She had good reason to cut her out of the kids’ lives due to safety concerns but I begged her to work it out. I never want another mother or grandmother to feel the pain I did, and still do. I will never be the happy woman I was. They took a part of me ( and my career) that I can never get back. Thank you for writing this. It helps to know I’m not alone in what I went through. Reading and writing this has also been therapeutic, so again, thank you.
I also understand that they have their side but I am not ready to accept that there really was a good enough reason to do what they did. Nobody who is close to me and saw what it did to me can. Maybe they believed they were right but whatever I did, the punishment, to us, did not fit the crime. Someday I hope to move on completely but, right now it’s too fresh.
Thank you for sharing this so vulnerably. I felt every word. What you’ve lived through is the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t just bruise.....it fractures. And I want to say clearly that ambiguous grief is real. The kind that doesn’t get a funeral, doesn’t have clean edges, and is made worse by the confusion of not understanding why it happened in the first place.
You sound like a deeply devoted mother, a dedicated teacher, and a grandmother who simply wanted to love. That should never be something you have to prove or “earn back". The fact that you're still showing up with love, even after being so deeply hurt, says everything about your heart.
And you’re right - it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being human. We all make mistakes. But estrangement as punishment, especially with no clear explanation, leaves a wound that healing alone doesn’t always mend. That kind of pain needs witnessing, and I see you.
I hope someday the ache softens. But in the meantime, please know that you’re not alone. And what they did - whatever their reasons - was real, and it hurt. You have every right to grieve it in your own time, in your own way.
Thank you for trusting this space. Your story will resonate with many more hearts than you know. 💔💗
Your words weave light, love, radical acceptance and understanding towards healing how we experience ourselves in the shifting sands of familial relationships occurring as we unfold ourselves in life...something like waves that draw back from the shore before returning in ways entirely new....to a shore that has also shifted in contour and depth....how beautiful.
You are such a very kind soul, and honestly, reading your words about my words is humbling, because I think your words are DIVINE. Thank-you for sharing your light here. It shines so bright it hurts my eyes (but warms my soul!). xx
I feel quite the same about what you speak...your words feel inspired and they inspire me...they weave love and light into everything you touch upon. Thank you for you!
THANK YOU for sharing both sides of this! Not many do!
This brought so much emotion and a few tears as well! I am the parent that has been through this and the reconciliation has taken place (I'm so grateful) and for the longest time, I struggled with pleasing and trying not to piss him off for fear that it would happen again, etc...
It's starting to get easier and better as I work on myself and show up "as if I am enough, at if I am wanted just as I am"
It also helps A LOT that my youngest grandchild has bonded with my husband in a way that doesn't make sense to any of us and he asks for us and wants to be around us!
So, we are all trying harder to create NEW memories and time to be together.
Anyway, this is a super hard, super charged topic to write about and I think you did it in such a gorgeous well rounded way and I thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this - it truly moved me. Stories like yours are a reminder that reconciliation is possible, even after deep rupture. And your honesty about the fear that lingered after reconnecting…..whew!! That’s the part people don’t talk about enough.
The image of your grandchild instinctively bonding with your husband gave me goosebumps, like the universe weaving some quiet magic to help knit the family back together.
I’m so glad the piece resonated. You’re living proof that healing doesn’t mean going back - it means creating something new. Sending love as you build those new memories. Thanks for reading! xx
Thank YOU for writing!
I would have like to read more about children who cut their parents off - not because of some wrong but through elder abuse. Where the elder refuses to accede to their demands of property and finances and so they cut the elder out including takeing the grandchildren away. This is an elder wound that goes deep. Estrangement pain is NOT only on the child they cause it too. It always pains me to hear it described as pain parents bring on their children who grow up and away. Not true.
Thank you for this powerful reminder. You’re absolutely right.....estrangement pain runs in every direction. While this piece focuses on one common arc (adult children seeking space from unresolved wounds) there’s another heartbreak that deserves just as much attention: parents being cut off for holding financial boundaries, refusing manipulation, or standing firm in their own sovereignty. That kind of grief is real too. I deeply honor your voice here. This is a wound that matters, and it’s not one I intended to overlook, just one that’s hard to do justice to in the same breath without the piece sprawling into a novel. But you’ve reminded me how important it is to hold all sides of this sacred rupture. Thank you for speaking up.
My son cut me off for a year and a half over, what I believe, was a minor disagreement. His wife and mother in law played a big part in it. I had him young and I tried my best to give him the life he deserved. I had five more kids after him (with his father) and they, and my husband, couldn’t understand it. Three refused to talk to him, two remained neutral. I went into a deep depression which I can only describe as “ambiguous grief”. I ended my teaching career of 31 years because some days I couldn’t get out of bed. They also had a one year old baby girl, my first grandchild, who they would not let me see. However, they let my alcoholic mother see her. I was devastated and still am to this day. I was a grandmother for 16 months then they took it all away. They also had my first grandson during g this time. They sent everyone his picture announcing his birth but me. I was, and remain, so hurt. I know I made mistakes somewhere while raising my kids, who doesn’t, but, besides my teaching career, my kids were my whole world. I loved being a grandmother and then it was snatched from me for no real reason I can understand. Finally, after I wrote a letter apologizing for hurting them without putting any blame on them, they let me back into their live. However, I would have to be closely “monitored” with the children. The disagreement wasn’t even about my granddaughter. I was a special Education teacher for 31 years and had raised six college educated, happy children but I had to be monitored. I’ve never been accused of being inappropriate with children ever. I feel I was a good , if not excellent, mother and teacher. He admitted it to me later when we were speaking again that he had “the best childhood”. So I was able to see my grandkids and now I’m in their lives regularly. He loves bringing them over and our visits and my grandchildren love me. My son and his wife both act like nothing happened but I will never forgive what they did to me. They broke me for reasons I still do not understand. I can never look at my son the same way again. I can’t, as hard as I try. I am actually waiting for them to do it again! I try to emotional prepare for when The other shoe drops. One of my daughters has two babies now and I trust with my entire being being that she would never cut me out of their lives. Now she’s a mother, she further can’t understand what her brother did to me. I watch my grandkids for her when she works and she has never had a problem with my care. She recently got into a disagreement with her mother-in-law. She had good reason to cut her out of the kids’ lives due to safety concerns but I begged her to work it out. I never want another mother or grandmother to feel the pain I did, and still do. I will never be the happy woman I was. They took a part of me ( and my career) that I can never get back. Thank you for writing this. It helps to know I’m not alone in what I went through. Reading and writing this has also been therapeutic, so again, thank you.
I also understand that they have their side but I am not ready to accept that there really was a good enough reason to do what they did. Nobody who is close to me and saw what it did to me can. Maybe they believed they were right but whatever I did, the punishment, to us, did not fit the crime. Someday I hope to move on completely but, right now it’s too fresh.
Thank you for sharing this so vulnerably. I felt every word. What you’ve lived through is the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t just bruise.....it fractures. And I want to say clearly that ambiguous grief is real. The kind that doesn’t get a funeral, doesn’t have clean edges, and is made worse by the confusion of not understanding why it happened in the first place.
You sound like a deeply devoted mother, a dedicated teacher, and a grandmother who simply wanted to love. That should never be something you have to prove or “earn back". The fact that you're still showing up with love, even after being so deeply hurt, says everything about your heart.
And you’re right - it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being human. We all make mistakes. But estrangement as punishment, especially with no clear explanation, leaves a wound that healing alone doesn’t always mend. That kind of pain needs witnessing, and I see you.
I hope someday the ache softens. But in the meantime, please know that you’re not alone. And what they did - whatever their reasons - was real, and it hurt. You have every right to grieve it in your own time, in your own way.
Thank you for trusting this space. Your story will resonate with many more hearts than you know. 💔💗
Your words weave light, love, radical acceptance and understanding towards healing how we experience ourselves in the shifting sands of familial relationships occurring as we unfold ourselves in life...something like waves that draw back from the shore before returning in ways entirely new....to a shore that has also shifted in contour and depth....how beautiful.
You are such a very kind soul, and honestly, reading your words about my words is humbling, because I think your words are DIVINE. Thank-you for sharing your light here. It shines so bright it hurts my eyes (but warms my soul!). xx
I feel quite the same about what you speak...your words feel inspired and they inspire me...they weave love and light into everything you touch upon. Thank you for you!